So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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