can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
