During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I came so hard my ears popped.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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