the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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