Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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