saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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