Don't make out with my wife yet
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
