Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
