Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
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