I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
