porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
