We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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