I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
