Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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