He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
She's JV to your varsity
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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