I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I need to calm my uterus...
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
