A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
