White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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