you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
