so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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