Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Randomize
