Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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