Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
