all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
