I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
