Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
