why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Randomize
