I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
