I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Randomize
