just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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