I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
