Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
