I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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