He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
