I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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