4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
