why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
