I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
