Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
