This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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