I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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