Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Let's get the cat blown out
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
