I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize