He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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