Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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