did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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