I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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