I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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