I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
