I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
