My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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