So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
