awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
