so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
