The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
