White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I love you.
Bad choice
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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