did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
