im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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