fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
My penis needs a shock collar
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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