Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
