Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
