We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
