My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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