I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
