She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
