i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
