toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
