Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
