thus making me awesome and them whores
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
