even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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