I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
