Pappa wants mamma naked
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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