I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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