TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
