Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
