he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize