he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
