I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize