I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
