I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
it glows. i had to have it.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize