i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
