Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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