i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize