the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize