i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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