You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
