You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Randomize
