He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
