Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
