If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
