I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
