did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
