life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
