I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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