i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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