Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
