He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
