:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
