we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
We just shotgunned beers for America
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
