Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
