I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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