Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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