It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
