I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
