my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Someone came in the potted fern
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
