I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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